


Lean On Me

by Angel_made_of_scars



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anxiety, Character Death, Depression, Happy end sort of, M/M, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-30
Updated: 2016-01-30
Packaged: 2018-05-17 03:21:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5852059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angel_made_of_scars/pseuds/Angel_made_of_scars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam "Wesson" has an anxiety attack outside the office building, and Dean "Smith" comes to his rescue.<br/>Basically just another way that episode could have gone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lean On Me

"No no no, fuck- stop-" Sam gasped, as he crumpled to ground. He figured it would happen soon, seeing as he had been having a good week. He just wished he had been able to stay calm until tomorrow, his day off.

It had started years ago, after he failed college. His girlfriend had died in a fire, which also took his home. He had nowhere to stay permanently and missed so many classes because of the depression that took hold.

It was a normal day when it happened. He was minding his own business when suddenly the breath caught in his throat and his eyes welled up with tears. That day he thought he was dying.

Sam ran to the hospital, sobbing by the time he was there. The hospital staff had given him a look that meant pity, and led him to a back room. Then, once he had breathed into a paper bag, they gave him a prescription for anti-anxiety pills and sent him away.

It was easier to control now. Sam knew a change in temperature helped, sometimes, which is why he was currently standing out in the freezing alleyway. He knew he could breathe into a bag, or do breathing exercises, but he was too high strung right now.

"Hey, uh, you alright?" Someone called out. Sam took a deep breath and looked up from his knees.

A few feet away, there was a man. He felt like he knew him from somewhere, but he wasn't sure. But then, with barely any oxygen getting to his brain, he probably wouldn't recognize his own brother. Wait, he didn't have a brother. Great, now he was making up siblings to use in analogies. 

"Hello? You alright?" He asked again.

"I-I'm-" Sam stuttered out, sucking in another breath.

"How long have you been out here?" He asked. He took a step forward, and Sam realized his arms were out, like he was ready to comfort or defend, one of the two.

"Can't-" Sam whined, his voice cracking. He was aware of the tears falling now, but it's not like he could stop them.

"Hey, hey um, don't cry. It's ok. Can you stand up? I can help you." He said. And then, the name popped into Sams head. 

"Dean?"

"Yeah, I work a little above you. I've seen you in the elevator, right?" Dean asked. Sam nodded, already feeling a little better knowing it wasn't a complete stranger that had walked up on this.

Sam and Dean had talked a little, here and there. It wasn't serious, and they didn't hang out, but they saw each other often. Sam considered them acquaintances, at least, at this point.

"Need help, I-I'm-" Sam breathed, struggling to get a grip.

"You're what? It's ok, take your time." Dean said, even though he was starting to rub his arms for warmth. Sam was out in nothing but the work polo and khakis, while Dean wore his long sleeve blue and white shirt.

"Out... Of medicine." Sam said between deep breaths. Dean visibly tensed and backed up a step.

"You're not uh... You're not, like, clinically... insane, are you?" Dean asked awkwardly.

"No, god no. I'm- fuck, I can't breathe." Sam panted.

"Is it asthma? I think garth in accounting has an inhaler-"

"No, it's n-not asthma. I-I'm just... Anxious. Please, d-don't tell anyone. Please." Sam begged. Dean walked a little closer to him.

"Hey, I won't tell, I swear. Hang on, alright? I'll be right back, you think you'll be ok for a minute?" Dean asked. Sam nodded and wiped at his eyes.

Poor Dean, he was probably looking for a way to get away from him. Still, Sam nodded and sucked in a breath, trying to calm his nerves. His hands were beginning to shake but he couldn't stop it at this point.

"Just, um, breathe ok?" Dean said, then turned and walked quickly back inside. Sam sighed and ducked his head back between his knees.

Talking to Dean had relieved some of the stress, giving him something to focus on, but now he was back to square one. He felt the tension crawling back, and his hands shook harder.

"Shit." He mumbled, feeling his stomach clench. He knew if he didn't get control he would either vomit or shit himself, but he just couldn't stop the ragged breaths. He had only lost control that bad once before, ending up getting angry and pulling at his hair when he lost control of his... Extremities. That was the day his "friend" decided to kick him out. He knew the feeling now. He knew it could happen today.

Sam had gone to a doctor after that, but they said it was relatively normal. He had upset his stomach from the crying and labored breath. It was coming out one way or the other. Still it embarrassed him to no end. After that he became more quiet. He stayed away from people when he felt it coming on and always stayed at his apartment on his days off.

Sam dragged in a breath and sniffed. He couldn't smell anything through his clogged nose, and he didn't have any tissues. Might as well not even try to keep it from running though, he looked like a mess anyway. He went to wipe his eyes, but another wave hit him, and it was like the air was punched out of him. He started to hyperventilate and his hand aborted their trip to his face, instead clutching his chest.

It hadn't been this bad in a long time. Sam tried to think of anything he had done differently, but there was nothing. Or maybe there was, but his brain was too foggy to pick up on it.

"Sam! Sam!" Dean yelled. He blinked and pulled his head out from between his knees. Dean was crouched in front of him.

"Come on, hey, stop making that noise. Deep breath." Dean said quietly. That was him? Oh, it was.

Sam shut his mouth and clenched his teeth together, but little whines still escaped. He stuck out his shaking hand and fisted it in Deans shirt, while Dean held him by his shoulders.

"I checked you out, your off for the day. Come on, stand up. Put this on." Dean said. Sam wasn't coherent enough to argue, just shrugged on the thick black jacket that Dean had brought outside. He tried to zip it, but he hands were shaking too much, and he whined pathetically.

"It's ok, hey, it's ok. Deep breaths man, come on." Dean said gently. When Sam didn't give up, Dean put his hands gently over Sams and steadied them.

"There you go, all zipped up. How about we go to my car?" Dean asked. Sam shook his head. He felt nauseous already, and thinking of a car made it worse.

"Then my office it is. Come on, put the hood up, we'll use the stairs and sneak to the second floor elevator, no one will see you." Dean promised. As much as he didn't want anyone to be around him right now, he knew he would freeze outside, so he let Dean lead him.

"Deep breaths, come on. Stop the shaking and whining." Dean said. Sam growled despite himself.

"S' not that e-easy." Sam stuttered.

"No, yeah, I know. It's just- I meant... Look, I don't know what to do here, alright? How do you normally stop this?" Dean asked.

Honestly Sam wasn't sure. The medication usually made him feel too heavy, almost like weed but in a bad way. He felt like he couldn't move, and his whole body became calm. His breathing would even out, and his hands became difficult to move. Without the medicine, he didn't have a clue what to do.

"Just, never mind. We'll figure it out. Come on inside." Dean said. Sam didn't remember getting up, but then he was inside the stairway, and Dean was behind him, steadying him.

"Little further, then right there to the elevator." Dean said. Sam numbly followed his instructions.

Once they were safely inside, Dean did something way too intimate. He took Sams hand and held it. He didn't look at him, he didn't make a big deal of it, but they were holding hands, and it was the strangest thing Sam had ever seen.

"I had a sister, Jo. She used to have anxiety. I was never any good at helping her, a little too rough I think. But one day, she told me she thought physical contact helped her. You know, for some people it drives them up the wall and makes it worse, but you seem... grounded by it. Noticed it in the alley. So I hugged her, or held her hand. Is this helping?" Dean asked, looking over at him.

Sam wasn't sure what to say, so he nodded. He could in fact feel his breathing returning to a somewhat slower pace. It was interesting, but he definitely wasn't wrong.

"If uh, if this is weird for you, I can take you to your car and drop you there. You seem better though." Dean said awkwardly.

"Thanks." Sam mumbled, stepping a little closer. He squeezed Deans hand and tried to keep his breath even as the elevator jerked to a stop.

"Ok, just turn and walk straight. Head down, ok?" Dean said. Sam let go of his hand and pulled his hood up. He would definitely be doing that.

As soon as they were out, Sam felt dizzy. Even if there were no eyes on him, it felt like he was being watched by everyone. Then, a bold hand took hold of his again, and lead him forward, past doors, through the hall, and inside a room that was sealed off from the outside world.

As soon as the door was shut, Sam dropped to the floor, curling up to be as small as possible. Dean locked the door and sat down beside him, putting a hand on his back.

"You're crying again." He said quietly. Sam gasped and whined. Of course he was, but he couldn't stop. His legs felt like jelly and his hands were shaking again. Crying was the least of his problems.

"Can I... Can I?" Dean asked. He wasn't sure what he was asking, but he nodded anyway. Dean took a deep breath and pulled Sam up, getting his whole body between his legs and holding Sams back to his chest.

"Let it go brother. Come on, in and out. You'll be ok. Just breathe with me." Dean said quietly. Sam took a deep breath and nodded, trying to follow along to Deans instructions.

"Dean p-please..." Sam whined, reaching out a hand. Dean took it instantly and pulled him closer with his free hand.

"It's ok. Deep breaths. It'll be ok. I'll get you home, and we can get you to bed. Then we can watch movies when you get up. Stay with me Jo." Dean said quietly.

"Jo?"

"I... Sorry." Dean mumbled. Suddenly tense. Sam nodded. This guy obviously had a history.

"Tell me. Please." Sam breathed. He needed a distraction and Dean seemed to understand that.

"Jo was my sister. I was adopted, so I was able to hold her hand in public to calm her down, and people thought we were together. I looked nothing like her. One day... I wasn't there to hold her hand. I got held up in traffic coming home. She had such bad anxiety that she took too much medicine, trying to make it go away. I found her. I-I tried to save her- I tried. She had no gag reflex, I couldn't get the medicine out of her. I tried- I-I tried." Dean stuttered. Sam took a deep breath and squeezed Deans hand.

"Sorry." Sam said quietly.

"It's ok... Your hands have stopped shaking. You'll be ok. Just take a deep breath, alright?" Dean said. Sam did, and Dean started to relax.

"What triggered this?" Dean asked.

"Don't know. Feel sick though." Sam mumbled. It was true, he could feel his stomach doing flips.

"Ok, trash can is right here. If you need to, you just tell me and I'll hold your hair, alright?" Dean said. In any other circumstance that would sound like he was making fun of him, but Sam knew he was serious, so he nodded and pressed his face further back towards Deans neck.

"Were you going home?" Sam asked.

"Yeah, but I can go later. You're more important right now." Dean said. There was a reverence there that made Sam want to cry all over again, and Sam bit his lip.

"Will you hate me if I throw up in your car?" Sam asked.

"Um... Yes." Dean said, smiling as he said it. Sam nodded.

"I'll throw up now then. I was trying to wait but- fuck-" Sam lurched forward. Dean shoved him away, and Sam barely made it to the trash. He did though, and Dean did as he said he would, holding back Sams hair.

"Sorry-" Sam coughed.

"It's ok dude. Better here then in the car. Seriously, let it out, be gross, you're good." Dean said. Sam nodded and heaved again.

They sat for a few minutes, Deans fingers just sort of in Sams hair, ready to help, while he calmed down. Eventually Dean got up and handed him a bottle of water from his desk. Sam took it gratefully and took tiny sips.

"Believe it or not I actually feel way better." Sam said gruffly. His throat felt raw, and Dean picked up on it.

"I'm glad. Drink up though, it'll help your voice. I mean- it'd be better to have tea, but you don't look like a tea drinker." Dean said.

"Hey, neither do you." Sam said. Dean gave him a look, and shrugged.

"What can I say, I'm sophisticated." Dean said, miming like he was drinking from a tiny cup and putting a finger to his face like he had adjusted a monocle. Sam managed a weak laugh.

"You just seem like a burgers and beer type, not tea and salad." Sam said.

"How'd you know I eat salad?" Dean asked.

"I see you carry it sometimes." Sam said. Dean nodded.

"Nah, that sounds like me in a different lifetime. Hah, burgers and beer, me." Dean joked.

"A... Different lifetime?" Sam said.

"Nothing, just a weird dream I had last night. I ate diner food, and drove-"

"An impala? Like an old Chevy?" Sam interrupted.

"Uh, yeah. Weird, dude, how'd you know that?" Dean asked.

"I had the same dream. Except I was with you. We were... Brothers? Or dating? Or something. And you, we, we... hunted-"

"Monsters. Ok you're freaking me out man." Dean said, taking a step back from him.

"What does that mean? I must have passed out in the alley, this is all a dream." Sam said.

"No no, it's uh, it's real. I-I don't... I think I actually could go for a beer right now." Dean said.

"How about we go to my house instead? We can talk more, but I'm about to pass out." Sam admitted.

"Yeah... I just can't... How would we have the same dream? What the hell man?" Dean said.

"You sound like him already." Sam chuckled.

They both had permanent grins on their faces as Zachariah stopped everything.

"They got too close together again. We need another go... Now! Again!" He shouted. His staff went to work behind him, scrambling around.

Fucking winchesters.

**Author's Note:**

> I know the end is cut off pretty quick, but I couldn't think of where to go with it honestly and I'm just trying to get it out of my drafts at this point. I know it's not my best work but if it makes up for it, I'm working on part three of my series and another long au, due to be released asap. :)  
> Update:  
> Apparently ao3 posted this story twice. One was only a discription. Sorry for any confusion.


End file.
